Born To Love You

Title: In Between, Part 9/?
Author: soulmatejunkee 
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: What happened between episode 4.09 and 4.10 (POV’s). It starts right after "Eat some fucking chicken soup". 
Word Count: 500 words (drabbles)
Summary: I am writing on it since weeks, so I just thought, maybe I should start posting it
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta by qafkinnetic   (Thanks a lot!)
Every comment is welcome. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8


Brian's POV

1)
He scared the shit out of me. He does that every day, every minute – and he doesn’t even know. Every time I need him to understand, I get scared he won’t.

I knew what he was thinking, it was all over his face. I saw it coming.

"Would you leave me if I got sick?“ he asked. "If I lost a ball and had to go through radiation, or even worse?“

I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I stared at the ceiling. It’s not that I never played that scene in my head before, what if it was him?


2)
We’ve already been through that. Not with cancer, but he was sick, weak and he needed me and even though I was scared to death back then, I would’ve never left him alone. How could I? And if he ever would’ve gotten cancer or any other disease, I would do anything to make him feel better and if he asked me to stay, I would, of course.

But only if he asked me to, because I always feel totally helpless when he obviously needs me, when he expects something. I’m not comfortable with someone depending on me. It scares me.


3)
I closed my eyes briefly and shook my head. "No.“

"That’s good.“ He put his hand on my arm and stroked down until his hand was in mine. "Because you can be sure that I would ask you for help.“

His hand in mine … it was just a little touch, but it felt good, warm, safe. He moved closer to me, I could feel his breath on my shoulder.

"Why are you so scared?“

"Scared about what?“ There was so much I was scared about, I had no idea what exactly he was talking about right in that moment.


4)
"That I might say yes if you ask me for help.“

What was I suppose to say? I just shrugged and intertwined my fingers with his. I knew he was a talker, he loved to talk and he loved to discuss everything. That wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t have the upper hand position. And I already knew that I should’ve talked to him and I should’ve trusted him. But I just couldn’t.

"You can not really think I would reject you when you told me that you have cancer.“

I turned my head and looked at him.


5)
"Like… uh, that’s gross, that’s so ugly, I’ll leave you and I’ll never want to see you again, who the fuck would ever want to be with a one-ball-wonder?“

I swallowed hard. That was exactly what I had dreamed. "Not funny.“

"No, Brian, of course it’s not funny, it’s absolutely ridiculous. Three years and you still don’t trust me.“ His voice didn’t sound caring anymore.

"I do.“

"Obviously not.“

He was angry, he felt betrayed and I expected him to tell me that he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. "I don’t want people to take pity on me.“



TBC