Born To Love You

Title: From now on, Part 1(You & Me-Series)
Author: soulmatejunkee 
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's  
Word Count: 4.103
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: My lovely mander3_swish - thank you :)


I know it was a while. Sorry. Real life and health didn't work well with me lately and it just sucked and ... anyway, here we are now :)
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!


01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
14. Be careful what you wish for
15. Changes - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16
16. Acapulco
17. From now on 1




Ted's POV

Waiting for things to happen was horrible. Especially when you knew the possible outcome before it even happened. We were still allowed to see Pascal – so far. We visited almost every day, and every time he seemed happy. He even drew a picture for us - the three of us as a family. We knew we had to talk to him, we had to prepare him for being with his new parents, which wouldn’t be us, and for not seeing us anymore. We knew that would happen right from the moment Penelope Grant had mentioned the other (straight) couple - that we didn’t stand a chance.

And it wasn’t fair to keep the boy’s hopes up for something that would never happen. Even though we still had a little time, it wouldn’t become easier the longer we waited. So we decided to talk to Pascal. We knew what to expect; he was 4 years old, how could we expect him to understand something we weren’t able to understand either?

We never told him that he would live with us one day, but for some reason he thought that’s what would happen. We were in the playroom and we played with him for a while. Then Blake tried to tell him what would happen and that he wouldn’t be living with us. He had those big innocent puppy dog eyes, full off helplessness.

“But you said I could live with you.”

As I said, we never said that, but it was what he wanted to hear, so he heard it.

I took his little hand in mine. I had never seen myself becoming a father. I just never was the family type, but as soon as this boy walked into our lives, everything changed. “Unfortunately that’s not our decision.”

“You don’t want me to live with you?” he asked, still with his sad big puppy dog eyes. It was heartbreaking. We wanted the kid to be as happy as possible; he had been through enough during his life. “I can be good, I promise.”

I squeezed his hand and tried to smile as honestly as possible. “We know that, P-Boy.”

He made a face and sighed, “I am too old, that’s what it is. You want to have a baby. Everybody wants a baby.”

“It’s not your fault,” Blake said and swept the boy’s dark hair out of his face. “You did’t do anything wrong okay? We know that you’re a good boy and we would love to have you with us.”

“But we have to do what’s best for you,” I nodded.

“And there are some people who probably don’t think that living with us would be best for you.”

I looked at Blake. We agreed to not turn the boy against the couple who would adopt him. It wasn’t fair to them and it was also not fair to him. I knew it was hard to be calm, especially when you have to deal with a disappointed kid you love and wanted to see happy.

“Why?” Pascal asked sadly.

“There are many reasons,” Blake nodded. He had to fight hard to not cry in front of the boy, I could see it. “Most of all, they want you to have a mommy and a daddy. And that’s what we all want, what’s best for you.”

He trusted us. Even now that we were about to dump him, he still trusted us that we were about to do what was best for him. Even though he probably didn’t agree with us yet.

He looked from Blake to me. “Can we still see each other?”

Fuck! I swallowed hard and closed my eyes briefly. All I could think was that I would put the drawing on the fridge at home because that fucking drawing would be all that’s left.

Thank god Blake realized immediately that I wasn’t able to answer Pascal. “Well, your new mommy and daddy would like to know you better, and so they want to spend as much time with you as possible. We won’t be around there because it’s their home and your new home and…”

“You will forget me.”

Now the kid looked frightened, scared to death.

I shook my head. “We won’t forget you.”

“I don’t want to go with them. Why can’t I live with you? I will be good.”

“Pascal, come here.” Blake took him onto his lap and held him close. “Look, we know that you’re a good boy and we would be very happy if you would live with us. So it’s not your fault and it’s also not our fault, it’s just… it’s very important that you get everything… you need.”

This was just wrong.

“But… I will be good.”

I got up, I couldn’t take it anymore, I couldn’t look at the kid anymore. I remembered what Blake had said a few days ago, he would hate us simply because he couldn’t understand and there was no good way to explain it to him.

“You will like your new mommy and daddy, they’re nice,” Blake told him.

“But I will…”

We knew it, we expected it to happen, we… had already talked about it, but now that it happened…

“You don’t want me.”

I looked after the kid when he ran out of the room and just nodded, more to myself than to anyone else. It was over. This was the last time we would see him and he would hate us. We wouldn’t get a chance to convince him that we really wanted him to become a part of our family. Sure, we could still come to visit him as long as the decision wasn’t made, but in the end the result would be the same.

I put my hand on Blake’s shoulder.

“I just… wanted to do something good, I wanted to give him a home. I wanted him to be happy, I wanted to help…”

“I know.”

“He would’ve had a good life with us.”

The room was already empty… the room that was supposed to become Pascal’s room. We had emptied it before Penelope Grant had told us that there was another couple in the running, when we still thought we had a chance to become the boy’s new parents. “Maybe we should try to talk to that woman again, maybe…”

“I just wanted to help.”

We didn’t talk much on our way back home. I tried to concentrate on the Raymon stuff, on the meeting that was planed for the next day. I tried to focus on it, but as soon as we were home and stood in front of the empty room again… we spent the whole evening just sitting in that room and staring out of the window, holding each others hands.

“I love you.”

I looked at him and nodded. “I love you, too.”

When Blake turned his head to me, I could see the tears in his eyes and I really wished I could do or say something to make him feel better, but there was nothing.

“I don’t even know them. Maybe they are nice and maybe they will be really good parents, they will love him and … they will make him happy. Why do I hate them?”

“Because they got the chance we were fighting for,” I said, leaned over and kissed him softly.

We were interrupted by the bell.

“Are you expecting someone?” I asked.

“No.”

I got up and went downstairs. It was already 8 PM. When I opened the door, Penelope Grant smiled at me and came into our house.

“What…?”

She turned around and looked at me. “The social worker told me that you and your husband had been at the children’s home today to visit Pascal.”

I closed the door and leaned against it when I saw Blake coming down the stairs. “Yes, we were.”

“Is that a problem?” Blake asked.

She shook her head and smiled at us. “No.”

Why the fuck was she so nice? We knew what would happen and so did she. And why did she show up that late?

Blake stood beside me and took my hand. “So, I guess you’re here to tell us that we won’t be allowed to adopt Pascal?”

“No, I’m here to take a look on your house.”

I shrugged. “What for?”

“Haven’t you been told that I would do that?” she asked us, slightly confused. Then she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Look, I think we should get some things straight. I’m not the homophobic bitch you might think I am. I’m not against gay or lesbian couples as parents as long as I am convinced that it’s what’s best for the kid. It’s also not my fault that there’s another couple – and a straight one – who’s also interested in adopting Pascal. My job is to check everything, every little detail you gave me including your home and your ability to raise a kid. I’m pretty aware of the bond you two already have built with the boy and yes, after I check out everything, talk to everyone and am almost done with my results, I will talk to the kid about the situation.”

Blake and I looked at each other. None of us expected this to happen. Not that there was anything to hide in our house, but it was a weird feeling that she just showed up without calling.

“I know that there are a lot of homophobic people – also in my job – out there, but I’m not one of them. And if I will decide that living with you is not the best for Pascal, it’s not because you’re a gay couple. So please, lets just figure out what’s best for the boy. It’s way easier when you help me.”

Blake cleared his throat. “You could have called.”

“I want to see how you live and not how clean you’re able to get your house.”

I laughed, I couldn’t help it. Since the second she told us that there was a straight couple in the running we stopped believing that we even stood a chance of adopting Pascal, to become his parents, and I was afraid to start hoping again.

“Do we have a chance?” I asked her and looked her straight in the eyes. “Honestly.”

“Well, you two have a very … interesting past, but I have to admit that I was very impressed about the outcome of them. You both have good jobs and stable jobs, which is not normal these days, and your relationship also seems to be in a good tone. I know that you already fought to be allowed to see Pascal so there’s no doubt that you like the kid and the kid likes you. So, yes, you do have a chance. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

Blake looked at me and nodded. We would definitely be going to see Pascal again, and for as long as we were allowed to.


Justin's POV

I wasn’t ready to go up, even though my bladder told me I had to. I was tired and sleepy, but then I was awake enough to realize that Brian had spent the last 10 Minutes in front of the mirror trying to adjust his tie. Unnecessary to say that the tie fit absolutely perfect into the picture and whatever he did in front of the mirror it was nothing more but trying to kill time.

He was nervous. He was so fucking nervous that we both had been awake almost the entire night. He kept turning over and back again until he finally got up. I knew he was going over the details of the campaign for Raymon again – and again – and again. I had seen it: it was nice, cute, hot, sexy, provocative and cool, everything it could be, and if Raymon didn’t like it, I was willing to consider that man as being fucking stupid.

But then… Kinnetik needed that client, they needed his contract, his money, and in the end, it was Brian’s responsibility because he was the boss and it was his company.

I got up and pushed myself between him and the mirror and waited until he looked at me. I didn’t have to say a word because he knew exactly what I wanted to say. I put my hand on his, which was still fumbling with the tie and stopped him.

“You look perfect. Successful and … mmmm, hot.” I got up on my tip toes and kissed his chin. “Don’t be so fucking nervous. I have no doubt that you’ll get him.”

“Well, he’s not an easy client and we ha…”

“There’s no doubt that you’ll get him,” I repeated my last words and raised my eyebrows at him. Where had my arrogant, self-centered ad-man gone? He never doubted his work. In everything else, yes, but never in his work. “You are the best, aren’t you? Or is there someone new who’s better than you?”

He looked at me for a few seconds and then his hands fell down from the tie and he nodded. “I’m the best.”

“Call me when you got him.”

He put his hand on my neck and pulled me closer for a kiss. He pressed against me and … my bladder reminded me that it was about time to pee. I sighed.

“I wish I had time for that,” he mumbled onto my lips.

“I have to piss.” Okay, not the most romantic line I’ve ever come up with.

He looked confused and I laughed, leaning my head against his chest. “Call me.”

“You better go finish the comic stuff… just in case.”

I did. Not because I was worried about the Raymon stuff, but because I needed to finish it. And I was almost done. The computer program Zack sent me was amazing. And in the end… well, I practically created an animated porno with Brian and me in the leading roles and what can I say? It was fucking hot to do that and I was fucking happy that I was working alone in my studio and not in an office full of other people.

I still had one week to finish issue one and Michael came to visit almost every day during lunch because that was the only time he could close up the store for an hour. He always brought some lunch from the diner, so… yay for Michel being my lunch-boy. He was fascinated about what I was able to do with the computer and couldn’t wait to get his own animated porn with Zephyr’s boyfriend.

I was fucking nervous because of Brian.

“You’re not listening,” Michael complained and poked my side. “Where’s your head?”

I sighed. “Sorry. Brian has this meeting today with that big client.”

“The one who gave you the Mexican getaway?”

I nodded. “It’s all or nothing today, and he was very nervous and I’m not sure if that’s a good sign. Normally he’s not nervous.”

“Of course he is. He just doesn’t show it.”

“Today he did.” I looked up at him.

There was nothing we could do, so we tried to concentrate on the comic again and it worked. We completely agreed with the storyline and now I only had to work on the bashing. Not my favourite scene.

After Michael left, I stopped working on the comic and sent the results to Zack before I went back to the house. Waiting for a call was fucking horrible and I hated being so nervous, especially since I hadn’t been nervous earlier, but now I was. Time went on and on. I wanted to call him, but then I didn’t because I didn’t want to bother him and I had no idea if the meeting was over yet or not. I knew he would call me as soon as it was over.

I winced when the phone rang and sighed when I saw Daphne’s ID. “Hey, bad timing, I’m waiting for Brian to call me.”

“You left me a message that it’s urgent.”

I did? O right, I did. “Oh, oh yes, yes, I wanted to tell you something really big. You should probably sit down.”

“Don’t tease me, tell me.”

As soon as I did she yelled like a girl – or Emmett. I held the phone away from my ear and wondered if that was the reaction I should have given Brian instead of teasing him when he offered monogamy. I laughed and shook my head.

“Oh my god, how was it?” she asked. “Tell me? How did it feel?”

“So far it was only a needle in my vein. It hurt a little, but I’ll survive.”

“Huh?”

I laughed. “We just got tested, Daph. We’re waiting for the results.”

We did and that should be the thing we should be nervous about. But then… it was nice to get distracted a little because waiting for the results wasn’t fun either. Knowing that a few days from now we could fuck without a condom. I remembered the first time I mentioned it, which seemed like an eternity ago. Things had changed so much since then. We had changed so much since then. And I thought Brian Kinney would die with a condom on his dick, shoved up in someone’s ass. But now, he’ll probably dies in my arms with his bare dick shoved up in my ass … sixty years from now. Okay, maybe only fifty.

“Call me, okay?” she sounded very euphoric, and I imagined Brian and me fucking raw for the first time, coming, and then me grabbing my phone to call my best friend to tell her about it. It made me laugh again.

“I will tell you,” I promised.

“I’m soooo happy for you Justin. And for me, too.”

“You know you won’t be there when it happens, right?” Just wanted to make sure.

“But I don’t have to worry about you anymore. No fucking around, no HIV, no warts, no syphilis, no hepatitis, no herpes, no…”

“Okay!” Jesus… they should forbid sex!

“Now you’re safe.”

I nodded – but she couldn’t see that – and smiled a little. She was right.

I was waiting and waiting and waiting. He didn’t call, he didn’t email me, he didn’t text message me - nothing.


Blake's POV

I stared at my phone while waiting in the playroom for the social worker to get Pascal. I was waiting for Ted to call me the entire day since I knew how important the client meeting had been for him and the company. We had wanted to go the children's home together to see the Pascal, but when I didn’t receive a message from him before I left work I decided to go alone before visiting hours were over. I was hoping that the meeting was successful and that the reason he hadn’t called me yet was a good one.

When the door opened, I looked up and saw him standing there looking at me almost scared, unsure, and insecure if he was supposed to be happy to see me or not because yesterday we had told him that he wouldn’t see us again.

“Hey P-Boy,” I said and gave him a welcoming smile. “I decided to come here until you tell us you don’t want to see me anymore.”

Of course that wasn’t the entire truth, but was was I supposed to tell him? It was complicated to understand even for us and we knew the laws, but how could he understand what was going on?

“Where’s Ted?” he asked, still standing in the doorway “Doesn’t he want to see me too?”

“He’s still at work. He had a very very important meeting today and it seems that this meeting turned out a little longer than planned. He will come see you tomorrow.”

Pascal just looked at me, obviously unsure if he could trust me, and really, who could blame him?

“Do I get a hug?” I asked him and held my arms out for him. “Just a little one?”

“You’ll come tomorrow again?” he asked me.

I nodded. “We will come tomorrow again. I promise and give you my word of honor.”

He walked over to me slowly and then put his little arms around my neck when he hugged me, practically holding on to me and it broke my heart. I wished there was anything I… we could do to convince that woman that Pascal should be with us. She was very nice the other night. She asked us a few things and looked around our house and also checked out the room we had prepared for Pascal. We told her that we hadn’t expected another couple to show up to get the kid, too, when we cleared the room and that we wanted Pascal to decide how his room should look so that it would feel like home to him immediately.

But … we still had to wait!

“Can I go home with you now?” Pascal asked me, still holding on to me.

I closed my eyes briefly. “Not now, but maybe soon.” At least that wasn’t a lie.

I put the kid on my left arm when my phone ran and sighed with relief when I saw Ted’s number. I looked at Pascal. “That’s Ted.” Then I answered the call. “Hey.”

“Hey. Where are you?”

“Visiting Pascal.”

“Good. Give him a hug from me.”

I heard a car door shut. “Where are you?”

“I’m on my way. It was a long day. Raymon just left a few minutes ago.”

“How did it go?”


Justin's POV

I was sitting on the stairs, my cell phone in my hand, the house phone right beside me, and I waited. It was ridiculous. I was at home; I could do anything. I could watch TV or listen to music or play with the Playstation, but not getting a call made me nervous and after all those hours of waiting, a little angry.

I got up when I heard a car in front of the house. No one has rung the bell so it had to be Brian. I put the phones aside and waited until he entered the house and threw his jacket to side.

“Why didn’t you call?” I greeted him. “I was waiting.”

“Because I had to spend the entire day with Theodore and Raymon somewhere between my office, the meeting room, the restaurant, and a bar downtown.”

“So?” I shrugged. “How did it go? What did he say? Did he like it?”

“Well, we showed him all the ads we made because we wanted him to decide which one he preferred for his apartments. When we were done showing them, he went out to make some calls, and then he came back and…” He closed his eyes briefly.

“And what? Say it.”

Brian looked at me and shrugged. “He decided to use all of them. He wants all seven spots. The family one, the teenage one, the old guys one, the gay one… all of them.”

I wasn’t an expert, but I knew what that meant. I had seen every ad they had made for the meeting. The plan was to go for every target group out there so that Raymon could decide on which one he wanted to focus. “O my god.”

“Now this is a 35 million dollar campaign,” Brian nodded, obviously still shocked about it as I was.

Remember Daphne’s reaction to me telling her that Brian offered monogamy? I was better! Louder! Shriller! I practically jumped on him, totally euphoric and … high! Oh my fucking god, 35 million dollars! That was unbelievable! It was supposed to be a 3 million dollar campaign, maybe 5, which would’ve been fantastic, but this was…

“I can’t believe it!” I yelled. “Oh my god! You really are the best!”

“Do you have any idea what this means? We are rich!”

He let me down again and I looked at him. I was so fucking proud and relieved and… OH MY GOD! “You are rich.”

“Get your Prada shoes and your Armani suit ready. We will be VIP’s at the grand opening of Raymon’s new luxury apartment complex in Saint Tropez in three months, which will also be the premiere.”

Speechless, I was speechless. That was simply not what I had expected. I mean, I wanted Raymon to become Kinnetik’s client, but 35 million dollars and Saint Tropez…

“I hope you’re free then.”

Really, speechless.

“Say something.”

And so I said the first thing that came to my mind: “Fuck me.”

TBC